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	<title>AHEAD OF THE CURVE AT MIDLIFE &#187; personal growth</title>
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	<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com</link>
	<description>Progressive resources for women on health, conscious aging, work, life, and ourselves in the second half of life</description>
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		<title>Carolyn Myss is Helping Change the Face of Psychology</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/03/26/carolyn-myss-is-helping-change-the-face-of-psychology/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/03/26/carolyn-myss-is-helping-change-the-face-of-psychology/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 26 Mar 2010 14:00:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Spirit and Self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[social action]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Carolyn Myss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[leadership]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MIDLIFE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[midlife skills]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spirit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[transitions]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=10314</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/DefyGravity3.jpg.bmp<a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/myss.jpg"><img src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/myss-150x150.jpg" alt="" title="myss" width="250" height="250" class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-3069" /></a>I&#8217;ve just learned that the Association for Humanistic Psychology is now partnering to sponsor Carolyn Myss&#8217;s CMED Institute workshops and intensives, including <a title="Defying Gravity: The Application of Mystical Laws into Your Everyday Life" href="http://www.myss.com/CMED/workshops/Mystical_Laws/description.asp"> Defying Gravity: The Application of Mystical Laws into Your Everyday Life</a>.  This means that if you are a psychologist, nurse, marriage and family counselor or licensed social worker in California, you can receive continuing education credits for CMED courses. That AHP is offering credits for CMED is a major milestone! Our culture is recognizing that consciousness extends beyond the ego that is so narrowly defined and limited by our biography. Carolyn&#8217;s work enriches transpersonal psychology, grounded in many wisdom traditions as well as Carl Jung&#8217;s notion of the collective unconscious, which also frames <a title="midlife as the maturing of our consciousness" href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2009/01/09/midlife-transition-classic-awakening-at-midlife/">midlife as the maturing of consciousness</a>. In CMED and <a href="http://shop.soundstrue.com/shop.soundstrue.com/SelectProd.do?prodId=986&#038;manufacturer=Sounds%20True&#038;category=Mythology,%20Story,%20&#038;%20Archetypes&#038;name=Sacred%20Contracts">Sacred Contracts,</a> Carolyn extends Jung&#8217;s work by showing practically how archetypes influence and drive <span id="more-10314"></span>our choices, and a system for coming to know them. </p>
<p>Many of you value Carolyn Myss&#8217;s groundbreaking work in personal and spiritual development as much as we do, weaving together as she does, studies from Christian mysticism, archetypal psychology, energy medicine and intuition.  We will continue to highlight her free media talks, CMED and Wisdom University workshops, as we have <a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2009/10/03/carolyn-myss-defies-gravity-part-i/">here</a>, <a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2009/06/24/carolyn-myss-on-power-purpose-archetypes-and-the-mind/">here</a>, <a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2009/11/03/carolyn-myss-live-online-understanding-your-seven-graces/">here, and </a><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/03/06/live-online-course-with-carolyn-myss-norm-shealy-the-science-of-medical-intuition/">here,</a> as well as listing conferences and other upcoming events in our monthly newsletter. </p>
<p>Specifically, AHP is recognized by the following boards and departments to offer qualifying courses for Continuing Education Credits:  California Board of Behavioral Sciences for California, LCSWs and MFTs; National Board for Certified Counselors, for Nationally Certified Counselors; and the California Board of Registered Nursing, for California.</p>
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		<title>The Benefits of Happiness and Positive Emotions in Reducing Risks of Heart Disease</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/03/13/more-on-the-benefits-of-happiness-and-positive-emotions-in-reducing-risks-of-heart-disease/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/03/13/more-on-the-benefits-of-happiness-and-positive-emotions-in-reducing-risks-of-heart-disease/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 13 Mar 2010 13:01:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Healthy Living]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Positive Futures]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[balance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bodymind]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[heart health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[managing stress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[midlife skills]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=8803</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[In a ten year study seeking to understand more attitudes affect our health, a team of researchers from Columbia University has found that, just as negative emotions such as anger, depression, and hostility are risk factors for heart attack and stroke, feelings of happiness seems to protect the heart. Specifically, the study examined the impact [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/laughing-woman1.jpg"><img src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/laughing-woman1.jpg" alt="" title="laughing-woman1" width="265" height="270" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-9638" /></a>In a ten year study seeking to understand more attitudes affect our health, a team of researchers from Columbia University has found that, just as negative emotions such as anger, depression, and hostility are risk factors for heart attack and stroke, <a href="http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/news/20100217/study-happiness-good-heart?page=2">feelings of happiness seems to protect the heart. </a>Specifically, the study examined the impact of positive personality traits like happiness, contentment, and enthusiasm on heart disease risk. While previous studies show that negative emotions are predictive of heart disease, researchers wanted to find out if positive affect is protective. They found that the happiest people were 22% less likely to develop heart disease than people in the middle of the scale, that those with the most negative emotions had the highest risk for heart disease, and people who scored highest for happiness had the lowest risk. <span id="more-8803"></span>The protective effective of happiness persisted even when naturally happy people were experiencing transient depressive symptoms.</p>
<p>While they are not suggesting this proves happiness protects the heart, they do suggest the belief that people are hardwired to be naturally happy or not has been replaced in recent years by studies in the science of happiness, or the field of positive psychology. There are numerous strategies that can help naturally negative people become happier, including</p>
<p>* A daily schedule of at least 15 &#8211; 20 minutes doing something enjoyable<br />
* Express <a href="http://gratitudelog.com">gratitude </a>on a regular basis.<br />
* Practice being optimistic.<br />
* Engage in frequent acts of kindness.<br />
* Visualize one&#8217;s best self.<br />
* Savor joyful events.<br />
* Practicing <a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/26/letting-go-ritual/">forgiveness.</a><br />
* Regular exercise, sex and sleep</p>
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		<title>Live Online Course with Carolyn Myss &amp; Norm Shealy: The Science of Medical Intuition</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/03/06/live-online-course-with-carolyn-myss-norm-shealy-the-science-of-medical-intuition/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/03/06/live-online-course-with-carolyn-myss-norm-shealy-the-science-of-medical-intuition/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 06 Mar 2010 11:57:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Healthy Living]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Positive Futures]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spirit and Self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[balance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Carolyn Myss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[intuition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[managing stress]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=9134</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This is a special post for our special intuitives and Carolyn Myss fans. She is offering an online audio course with Dr. Norm Shealy, The Proven Power of Medical Intuition: Self-Diagnosis and Healing with Your Body&#8217;s Energy System beginning on March 16. I attended this course live with these two pioneers in energy medicine and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/medical-intuition1.jpg"><img src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/medical-intuition1-300x285.jpg" alt="" title="medical intuition" width="260" height="245" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-9677" /></a>This is a special post for our special intuitives and Carolyn Myss fans. She is offering an online audio course with Dr. Norm Shealy, <a href="http://shop.soundstrue.com/shop.soundstrue.com/SelectProd.do?prodId=2169&#038;manufacturer=Sounds%20True&#038;category=Energy%20Medicine&#038;name=The%20Science%20of%20Medical%20Intuition">The Proven Power of Medical Intuition: Self-Diagnosis and Healing with Your Body&#8217;s Energy System </a> beginning on March 16. I attended this course live with these two pioneers in energy medicine and medical intuition years ago, and can tell you that they are a fabulous and potent duo.  They are focused and specific in describing energetic anatomy, guiding you through exercises to access intuition, offer perspectives on what may be blocking you, and they do it with trademark humor and compassion.  Most of you know <a href="http://myss.com">Caroline Myss </a>as a legend in the field of intuition and energy healing, but it was neurosurgeon and first president of the American Holistic Medical Association,<a href="http://www.selfhealthsystems.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=BIO&#038;Store_Code=SHS"> Dr. Shealy,</a> who pioneered <span id="more-9134"></span>alternatives to treating back pain over the last 40 years, that pretty much &#8216;discovered&#8217; Carolyn Myss by allowing her to test her gifts on his patients in her early days, before she&#8217;d written any of her books. </p>
<p>The course takes you through a:  chakra-by-chakra self-diagnosis, and healing with imagery, to the scientific evidence from medicine and physics, how our past lives affect our present health, and decoding archetypal information. You also learn to: </p>
<p>    * Develop an intuitive rapport not just with your body but with your entire life<br />
    * Work with archetypes, imagery, and symbols—the language of the psyche<br />
    * Use “spiritual alchemy” to engage your struggles as a source of transformation and wisdom<br />
    * See how your personal history gets encoded in your chakras<br />
    * Focus on the higher powers of your own “jewel of potential”—the seventh chakra<br />
    * Cleanse and “rewire” your own energy system<br />
    * Control—or even reverse &#8211; the single cause of 75% of all illness in two 20-minute sessions a day</p>
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		<title>Defining Moments: Act on Your Insights</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/28/defining-moments/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/28/defining-moments/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 28 Feb 2010 14:10:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Spirit and Self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[creativity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[intuition]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=8235</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I found this beautifully written essay simple and powerful. Psychotherapist Mel Schwartz describes insights as initiators of change &#8211; but only if we pay homage to them. As forerunners of our growth, he says, they need our attention. If we don&#8217;t commit to our fragile new insights, we simply aren&#8217;t taking ourselves seriously enough. From [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/starburst.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-8382" title="starburst" src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/starburst.jpg" alt="" width="208" height="207" /></a><em>I found this beautifully written essay simple and powerful. Psychotherapist Mel Schwartz describes insights as initiators of change &#8211; but only if we pay homage to them. As forerunners of our growth, he says, they need our attention. If we don&#8217;t commit to our fragile new insights, we simply aren&#8217;t taking ourselves seriously enough.</em></p>
<p>From time to time, many of us tend to experience an occasional insight. An insight is simply the ability to change our filter and look at things differently. In moments of insight, there&#8217;s a sudden burst of clarity where there had previously been static; there is an epiphany of movement. It&#8217;s the a-ha moment. When we are firmly entrenched in our beliefs and rooted in our certainty, we&#8217;re not typically open to insights. To have an insight we need to temporarily suspend our beliefs and open to new<span id="more-8235"></span> possibilities. We&#8217;re not so much working on the insight as we are creating the groundwork for it to come forth. In other words, we&#8217;re getting out of our own way, and opening to new considerations. Without insights we&#8217;re shackled to a fixed and stagnating reality in which little changes. It tends to look as if life is just replaying itself, day in and day out.</p>
<p><strong>Today&#8217;s insight becomes tomorrow&#8217;s faded memory</strong></p>
<p>The more that we move out of old, habitual patterns of belief and thought, the more inclined we are to have insights. My work as a therapist is highly motivated toward catalyzing insights. Insights are the initiators of change, but only if we pay homage to them. Although enlightening for a brief period, insights tend to fade and wither over time. Today&#8217;s insight becomes tomorrow&#8217;s faded memory. That is precisely why we struggle with change and stay stuck in the old groove.</p>
<p>I believe that insights are the forerunners of our growth and personal evolution. But only if we treat them with the value they deserve. If we diminish an important breakthrough, we&#8217;re devaluing ourselves. If we don&#8217;t take the new thinking and highlight it as a guide to our self-actualization, we are impeding new learning and growth. We&#8217;re simply not taking ourselves seriously enough.</p>
<p><strong>What is a defining moment?</strong></p>
<p>In my personal life and in my work, strongly believe in making a commitment to insight. A commitment to insight might sound like, “My life is changed because of this insight. I am committed to this change, as of this moment.” Although this might sound awkward and perhaps corny, it is actually the foundation for an increasing self-esteem. When we make a commitment to an insight, I refer to that as a defining moment.</p>
<p>Defining moments occur when we direct our lives onto a new pathway, borne of an illuminating insight and an expanded awareness. Defining moments stand out in singularity and literally redefine our lives. This process moves us from the mental breakthrough of the moment into a state of action. Sustaining the defining moment requires a foundational shift in our lives. There is ordinarily a state of inertia at work, whereby we tend to slip back into the familiar zone. Therefore, making a commitment is truly essential to maintaining the change.</p>
<p>If you can&#8217;t identify defining moments in your life, you&#8217;ve likely lived by the rules of conformity and have been influenced by fear. Defining moments speak to the deeper underlying questions and struggles of our lives. When we react in habitual and formatted ways, we don&#8217;t penetrate beneath the surface of our existence. Fear and anxiety typically corral us into this formatted type of thinking and behavior, whereby we&#8217;re in a reactive mode, not quite operating from the deepening awareness that insight can evoke.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Defining moments are those in which we take full authorship of the script of our lives. Creating the defining moment is achieved by shifting the insight to the foreground of your attention and illuminating it with full intention. The deepening experience of awareness and presence enables the profound shift into the realm of defining moments. Defining moments are the peak experiences of our lives when we come to recognize them as such.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">~~~~~~~~</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Mel Schwartz is a psychotherapist, author, educator and founder of the <a href="http://melschwartz.com/index.html"><em>Emergent Thinking® </em></a>process which enables people to transcend their struggles with today&#8217;s challenges. He introduces and integrates many discoveries of the emerging sciences, synergizing them into a practical protocol to catalyze change.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">
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		<title>Letting Go: A Practice to Forgive, Forget and Heal Hurts</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/26/letting-go-ritual/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/26/letting-go-ritual/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:11:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Spirit and Self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Transitioning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[choice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[managing stress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spirit]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=7795</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[While you&#8217;re reviewing your intentions for the year and deciding what you want to let go of and what you want to take with you this year, releasing a hurt, thought, injury or old issue may well be on your agenda. Use this simple process as a tool to help you. A ritual is a [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Letting-Go-ritual1.jpg"><img src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Letting-Go-ritual1.jpg" alt="" title="Letting Go ritual" width="258" height="225" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-7796" /></a> While you&#8217;re reviewing your intentions for the year and deciding what you want to let go of and what you want to take with you this year, releasing a hurt, thought, injury or old issue may well be on your agenda.  Use this <a href="http://www.fetzer.org/loveandforgive/letting-go  ">simple process</a> as a tool to help you. A ritual is a series of focused actions taken with a specific goal in mind. Use this process to analyze, specify and release a hurt, thought, injury or issue in your life.  Part of the extensive site of the <em>Love and Forgiveness </em>campaign by the Fetzer Institute, its series of beautiful panels set to music takes you through a powerful ritual of focused questions and thoughts with the goal of helping you to let go and forgive. Leave the past in the past and free more of your energy to help shape an open future of possibility.</p>
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		<title>Eckhart Tolle TV: Creating a New Earth Together</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/24/eckhart-tolle-tv-creating-a-new-earth-together/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/24/eckhart-tolle-tv-creating-a-new-earth-together/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:04:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Positive Futures]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spirit and Self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[social action]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[legacy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[meaning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[purpose]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spirit]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=8613</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Eckhart Tolle, the runaway bestselling author of A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life&#8217;s Purpose, and The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, continues to inspire with his stated goal of creating an online community intended to help usher in a new state of consciousness into the world. A long time in the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Eckhart-Tolle.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-8614" title="Eckhart Tolle" src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Eckhart-Tolle-292x300.jpg" alt="" width="192" height="200" /></a>Eckhart Tolle, the runaway bestselling author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Lifes-Purpose/dp/0525948023">A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life&#8217;s Purpose</a>, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577311523">The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment,</a> continues to inspire with his stated goal of creating an online community intended to help usher in a new state of consciousness into the world. A long time in the making, you can tune into<a href="http://www.eckharttolletv.com"> Eckhart Tolle TV </a> with a monthly membership that gives you live guided meditations, access to a private seminar series, an online community to chat with, and short question and answer clips of Eckhart answering member&#8217;s questions.  You can also submit your own questions for upcoming recordings.</p>
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		<title>Carolyn Myss: Why You Settle For Less</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/18/carolyn-myss-why-you-settle-for-less/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/18/carolyn-myss-why-you-settle-for-less/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 18 Feb 2010 13:24:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Spirit and Self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Transitioning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Carolyn Myss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[choice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[purpose]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spirit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[transitions]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=8629</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A central dilemma to come to terms with in so many midlife passages Carolyn Myss tackles the &#8216;spiritual stickiness&#8217; of settling for less than what you want, in this piece on Oprah. Myss bypasses the easy answer of looking at &#8216;settling&#8217; as a passive choice that lets you off the hook for the choices you&#8217;ve [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MYSS.jpg"><img src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MYSS.jpg" alt="" title="MYSS" width="293" height="221" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-8630" /></a>A central dilemma to come to terms with in so many midlife passages <a href="http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Why-Do-You-Settle-for-Less-Caroline-Myss">Carolyn Myss</a> tackles the &#8216;spiritual stickiness&#8217; of settling for less than what you want, in this piece on Oprah.  Myss bypasses the easy answer of looking at &#8216;settling&#8217; as a passive choice that lets you off the hook for the choices you&#8217;ve made that have given you what (you say) you don&#8217;t want. But then she digs deeper. How she resolves this dilemma reminds me of Werner Erhard&#8217;s admonition that &#8220;happiness is choosing what you&#8217;ve got.&#8221; Every choice does matter &#8211; even the passive ones, she says, and deep in your gut, you know it: &#8220;I would never have chosen this, but I am so glad I&#8217;m here.&#8221;  On the mark. <span id="more-8629"></span> While at some level you may feel that life is passing you by, at another level there is a reckoning, a coming to terms with choices you&#8217;ve made as reflecting who you actually are, not as who you might like to imagine that you are.  </p>
<p>But her later description of &#8220;wants&#8221; seems to skim the surface, overlooking deep desires that we have that are based on driving values rather than on the simple pain-pleasure principle she suggests. </p>
<p>What about those hard, <em>active </em>choices we are sometimes called to make? What about wants that are based on authentic values, i.e. those that point to passions that motivate us to fulfill a deeper kind of purpose?  For people in midlife, it&#8217;s very possible that choices that were authentic in an earlier stage of life are no longer the leading forces in our nature.  Healing happens. People learn. Life changes, as does our understanding of ourselves, life and the limits &#8211; and possibilities &#8211; of both. </p>
<p>Yes, to the necessity of accepting &#8216;settling&#8217; for what we now have as perhaps exactly the deeper level of self-acceptance we need to follow as the next growing edge of our lives.  But what about when &#8216;settling&#8217; is settling for a past that no longer feeds what&#8217;s emergent in our lives as we perceive it, and want it?  It&#8217;s certainly ideal when we can create bridges in all areas of our lives, bringing the present and past forward towards a new future direction of our choosing. But sometimes it happens that you are both grateful for your life AND it&#8217;s time to leave some things behind.</p>
<p>What do you think? </p>
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		<title>This Valentine&#8217;s Day, Develop the Second Most Important Quality in Your Relationship</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/14/on-valentines-day-develop-the-second-most-important-quality-in-your-relationship/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/14/on-valentines-day-develop-the-second-most-important-quality-in-your-relationship/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 14 Feb 2010 14:04:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Healthy Living]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Positive Futures]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=7781</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When asked what the second most important quality to develop in a relationship is, beyond mutual recognition of spiritual awareness, counselors, teachers and author of several books including their classics, A Shared Heart, Models of Love &#038; The Heart&#8217;s Wisdom, Joyce Vissell, RN, MS &#038; Barry Vissell, MD would respond with a litany of qualities [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Vissels.jpg"><img src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Vissels.jpg" alt="" title="Vissels" width="162" height="188" class="alignright size-full wp-image-8209" /></a>When asked what the second most important quality to develop in a relationship is, beyond mutual recognition of spiritual awareness, counselors, teachers and author of several books including their classics, <a href="http://sharedheart.org/books_dvds_relationship.html#ordering">A Shared Heart, Models of Love &#038; The Heart&#8217;s Wisdom,</a> Joyce Vissell, RN, MS &#038; Barry Vissell, MD would respond with a litany of qualities like appreciation, gratitude, understanding, sharing ideas, making the relationship a priority, a sense of humor, a healthy sexual relationship and a shared vision &#8211; until a couple in one of their workshop showed them that <a href="http://www.sharedheart.org/pages/second.htm">taking responsibility for your own pain</a> rather than blaming it upon your partner underlies your ability to develop all the other qualities.  Well worth a read, this excerpt is the gist of their insight: &#8220;Projecting your anger and pain upon your partner is a burden. &#8230; It is so tempting in a relationship to<span id="more-7781"></span> want to step into the victim role. It is because of him that I am in pain. If it weren’t for her, I would be happy. It is always the other person’s fault. And yet that is a trap and weakens the individual. For we always have a choice to either stay in love or to move away from love.&#8221;  </p>
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		<title>Winter&#8217;s Emotional Weather</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/12/winters-emotional-weather/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/02/12/winters-emotional-weather/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 12 Feb 2010 08:46:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Healthy Living]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spirit and Self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[balance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spirit]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=8121</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This new series explores how becoming aware of the impact of seasonal change on health and well being can provide insight and new tools to guide your actions and improve your quality of life. It’s not coincidental that, instead of celebrating the new year a week after the winter solstice, the Chinese calendar falls nearer [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/winter-scene.jpg"><img src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/winter-scene.jpg" alt="" title="winter scene" width="285" height="186" class="alignright size-full wp-image-8122" /></a><em>This new series explores how becoming aware of the impact of seasonal change on health and well being can provide insight and new tools to guide your actions and improve your quality of life.</em> </p>
<p>It’s not coincidental that, instead of celebrating the new year a week after the winter solstice, the Chinese calendar falls nearer to the spring equinox, when life underground begins to stir. Western cultures prefer to bypass the limits that winter rest represents, interfering as it does with lives based on continual growth. But continual activity loses its footing when it’s not rooted in periods of reflection and integration. And winter isn’t empty rest, it’s teeming with life under the surface. <span id="more-8121"></span></p>
<p>As a long-time and unrepentant holistic thinker, I have always found sanity and intuitive common sense in wisdom traditions that emphasize seeing ourselves as natural creatures influenced by changes in the annual cycling of the seasons. Life is change, and change is stressful, correlated with accelerated aging and increased incidence of every type of chronic illness. Reflecting on the meaning of the <em>Tao,</em> meaning the Way, provides a frame for living in balance by taking our cue from observing nature.</p>
<p><strong>The activity of rest </strong></p>
<p>Taoist thought equates winter with the time of deepest <em>yin,</em> of the activity of rest, if you will. Contrasted with on-fire outgoing <em>yang</em> of high summer as its polar opposite, <em>yin&#8217;s </em>action is receptivity, actively taking the time to tune in after a full and creative year, to listen to how we feel, now, in our lives. Winter isn&#8217;t so much about creating resolutions &#8211; yet &#8211; that&#8217;s putting the cart before the horse &#8211; but more about creating internal order, aligning with what&#8217;s emerging, and gathering the resolve to bring it into being come spring.  As you might imagine, getting this backwards, that is, strengthening your resolve before making resolutions, will save you a lot of energy expended on half-baked plans, and time spent going after things that it turns out you didn&#8217;t want after all.</p>
<p>So how do you be receptive?  Taking our cue again from nature, winter is likened to water in the way it flows around and wears down obstacles in its path.  Water seeks its own level and flows towards its destination propelled and bounded by banks that prevent it from dissipating its force in aimless meandering.</p>
<p>Among the things we can learn, and ask ourselves, are </p>
<p>    * What have I learned about my limits?<br />
    * What direction is the river of my life flowing?<br />
    * Is this the direction I want to be going?<br />
    * Can I support what I need to do with the resources I have?<br />
    * What boundaries do I need to have in place so I don&#8217;t get distracted?<br />
    * If I want to shift direction, what actions will I need to take?</p>
<p>Taking the time to re-root yourself in what’s deepest and most potent in your nature has payoffs besides keeping your clear, oriented and focused.  It preserves your energy. It strengthens your will. It strengthens access to your intuition, as well as to synchronicities, so you&#8217;ll be alert for them when they arise to guide your path. And tuning into yourself brings deep peace.<br />
<strong><br />
The rest of the story &#8230;.</strong></p>
<p>Perhaps not surprisingly, the emotion associated with winter is fear. Sometimes, if you’ve been too busy to check in with yourself for a while, you may become acutely aware of a torrent of negative self-talk or chatter without discernible center or direction. Where is this underground stream of insight and comfort, you ask?</p>
<p>You actually feel stripped bare, like branches silhouetted against the winter sky. You&#8221;re frozen, paralyzed, rather than flowing and your first impulse is to keep moving!  You may mistake this for depression or worse, as useless. True, some of your &#8216;symptoms&#8217; can be likened to SAD, seasonal affect disorder, and strategies (like light boxes) are useful. You should do what you can to keep your physiology balanced. But the fact is that it can be hard, and sad, to face disappointment, failure or missed opportunity. Those are the facts of the matter.</p>
<p>If that&#8217;s true for you, the best strategy is to let them be. Take your cue from winter: Be still. Learn to observe the contents of your mind and emotions.  Let them blanket you like a quiet cover of snow, and know that they are just emotions, they aren&#8217;t the totality of who you are. Let go of struggle. Let yourself be sad, angry, disappointed, frightened, empty, alone, or &#8230;fill in the blank. Keep breathing, crack a lopsided grin, shed a tear, or wince if you must, and let your breath remind you of the transience of thought and feeling.</p>
<p>Yes, water can harden into ice. But the opposite of fear is courage. Facing your deepest fears of inadequacy or emptiness builds courage. Other payoffs, ones that gives back in buckets, are increased self-esteem, calm, deepened wisdom, and increased ability with time, to flow without fear with whatever comes your way. Know that what emerges from this steaming compost heap, come spring, will be little sprouts of naturally inspired creative solutions, directions, and actions that will surprise and inspire your life.<br />
<strong><br />
Balancing receptivity and action &#8211; 5 steps to setting your intention</strong></p>
<p>In case you have the mistaken impression that winter&#8217;s emotional weather is simply a detour into passivity, strengthening your resolve means turning your insights into intentions.  Briefly, there are five very focused steps to setting your intention.  Do them each and you&#8217;ll naturally produce what you intend.</p>
<p>1. Get clear about what it is you want. Be specific. Write it down – as what you want – not what you don’t want</p>
<p>2. Envision in fine detail, using all your senses, how you will feel and what you will have once you’ve accomplished that intention</p>
<p>3. Share your intention with someone in a way that will supportively hold you accountable to taking action</p>
<p>4. Do something today to demonstrate your commitment to your intention, even if only a baby step</p>
<p>5. Acknowledge that you did what you said you would and then, take the next step. And then the next…</p>
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		<title>Commit to Taking the Drama &#8211; and Trauma &#8211; Out of  Your Divorce</title>
		<link>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/01/21/planning-for-a-peaceful-divorce/</link>
		<comments>http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/2010/01/21/planning-for-a-peaceful-divorce/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:48:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kathleen Daniel</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Positive Futures]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spirit and Self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Transitioning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[crisis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[managing stress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[transitions]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/?p=7621</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Going through divorce is by nature painful enough on so many levels, commit to not adding to your stress by making it as peaceful as you can. Don&#8217;t fill it with high drama and conflict, but acknowledge the sadness, pain and loss on all sides, and try not to increase it. Start with intention and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/better-divorce.jpg"><img src="http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/better-divorce.jpg" alt="" title="better divorce" width="169" height="219" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-7622" /></a>Going through divorce is by nature painful enough on so many levels, commit to not adding to your stress by <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/belinda-etezad-rachman/conscious-divorce-or-emot_b_361037.html">making it as peaceful as you can</a>.  Don&#8217;t fill it with high drama and conflict, but acknowledge the sadness, pain and loss on all sides, and try not to increase it. Start  with intention and with the language you use.  These authors suggest as an alternative that you can have an inner dialog that sounds something like this:  &#8220;I am faced with a situation and I have a choice. I can let my emotions run this thing, look for the most cut throat lawyer in town and go in for the kill or I can save my time, money and soul by avoiding court. What options do I have that will make this process as pain free as possible? How can I protect my rights and be fair to the other person? I know everyone wants to get the best deal they can, so how can we set up a win/win?&#8221;  Food for thought.</p>
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