AHEAD OF THE CURVE AT MIDLIFE » eldercare

How Empty is Your Nest?

Kathleen Daniel — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 05:01:32 +0000

Are you the chief cook and bottle washer of a “multi-generational boarding house”? A recent survey by VibrantNation.com shows that nearly 2/3 of boomer women report that one or more of their adult children have returned home to live – and that nearly half of them have brought one or more of their own children along. And this, by the way, is on top of the 13% of women who report that their parents or in-laws are living with them. According to Stephen Reily, founder of Vibrant Nation, the recession is making the “empty nest” a historical relic, at least for boomers.” They are footing the bill for their children, grandchildren and in some cases, parents who have moved into their homes, assuming multi-generational housing responsibilities not seen since the Great Depression.

According to the survey:

• 63% have an adult child living with them now, and most expect them to stay for more than a year
• Only 41% of these women report having returned to live at home as adults themselves
• 27% have grandchildren living under the same roof
• 13% have parents or in-laws living with them as well
• 70% blame the economy as the reason for this outcome.

How do these midlife mothers feel? Well, many are feeling stressed. 39% report that the experience has either strained or worsened their relationship with the adult child living with them. They also continue to make personal sacrifices: 71% report that living in a multi-generational household makes it harder for them to achieve their personal goals.

Using an iPod to Improve Symptoms of Alzheimer’s

Kathleen Daniel — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 00:31:32 +0000

This is such a brilliant use of technology. It’s been known for some time that music can be a vital tool in helping the elderly, and those with Alzheimer’s connect with their past, as well as to build a relationship with their caregiver. Music and technology have often gone hand in hand, and The Institute for Music and Neurologic Function is building on this tradition by creating the “Well-Tuned” program, training caregivers to use iPods to play music for people with Alzheimer’s. IMNF trains caregivers across the country on how to build iPod playlists that play music tailored to a person’s likes, background and daily activities with input from family members and caregivers. The music can help relax a person before bed, get them energized to take a walk, help connect them with their past, ultimately creating a soundtrack for their daily lives.

The Changing Face of Retirement: From Sun City to Aging in Place

Kathleen Daniel — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 10:19:02 +0000

With the debut of the first ‘modern’ retirement facility in Sun City, Arizona in 1960, replete with golf courses, recreation centers and activities clubs, it’s been 50 years that Americans’ ideas have shifted about retirement. Sun City recast the idea of retirement as a non-working life of limited opportunity to one of possibility and productivity. Now a new Sun City Festival has opened, but with a difference: most people living there are either employed, active or doing some kind of community service. And they have internet cafes, continuing education classes, and lots of singles. But with more choices now, only about 6% of homeowners over 65 live in communities like these. Instead, the tide is turning to “aging in place,” to living in the house you’ve lived in for the last 20 or 30 years and to make it work there. Some 70% of seniors spend the rest of their lives in the place where they celebrated their 65th birthday.

Indeed there are many initiatives and resources for communities and individuals for aging in place, including:

Aging in Place “The “E-cyclopedia” of housing options and information for
retirement, finance, insurance and care.” An practical resource to start you thinking about what you need to know and may need to age in place.

National Aging in Place Council. A support network of collaborative professional service providers that includes home health care companies, geriatric care managers, food and product delivery services, architects, interior designers, remodeling contractors, home maintenance professionals, landscaping contractors, transportation providers, financial planners, insurance companies, elder specialists and more.

Age in Place. Assitive technology assistance on the kinds of home and lifestyle modifications you’ll need to think about – from remodeling to technology and gadgets to how to finance it. Refers to things that can assist people with a variety of things, including communication, mobility, learning, recreation, overcoming or dealing with physical or mental challenges, and help dealing with daily life activities to enhance quality of life.

Aging in Place Initiative Aging in Place is an initiative of Partners for Livable Communities (Partners) and the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging to improve the livability of communities by promoting quality of life, economic development, and social equity by using community and economic development resources, and building public/private coalitions.

Partners for Livable Communities. Download their Technical Assistance Guide for Aging in Place to see a state- by-state breakdown of some of the local community initiatives they’ve helped support.

Certified Aging in Place Specialists. This program teaches the technical, business management, and customer service skills in the residential remodeling industry for home modifications for the aging-in-place. Search the directory to find professionals who hold CAPS certifications.

The New Retirement Community: Lifelong Learning on a College Campus

Kathleen Daniel — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 11:00:51 +0000

Senior communities centered around golf courses will one day become a relic of a past generation, and one alternative cropping up are apartments and condos within walking distance of college campuses. They’re called university based retirement communities, and a very cool idea. Am I the only one who dreamed of being a perennial student while I was in college? I found college life was so stimulating on so many levels. But this isn’t dorm living! These communities come with a lot of the perks of college life, and then some: theater, classes, guest speakers, the library, places to hang out, courses, computer labs, fitness facilities, sporting events, and medical and dental services. Check out Oak Hammock at the University of Florida in Gainesville. It’s a 270-unit independent living community on 136 acres complete with health club, heated pools, wellness programs, and massage, and physical therapy facilities staffed by graduate student instructors and personal trainers. Your parents might like it too!

Tune into Life Part 2 Series on PBS

Kathleen Daniel — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 12:52:43 +0000

This upcoming PBS series on the “best-educated, healthiest, most privileged generation in American history – that would be us – looks promising. An Emmy winning journalist hosts a series of interviews, roundtables and video essays to “provide real insights and advice” about encore careers, marriage, finances, caregiving, dating in mid-life, plastic surgery, ageism and more. Guests include experts in how the boomers are redefining aging, as well as well-known boomers including Martha Stewart, Billie Jean King, Phil Donahue, and Joy Behar. Special mention on the PBS blog goes to New York Times columnist Michael Winerip’s Generation B stories about blended families, graying surfers, caring for aging parents and other issues relevant to boomers.

In the first show, Cathie Black, president of Hearst Magazines, talks about taking orders from a younger boss. Her basic advice is: “deal with it”. Learn the language of the boss’ generation, dress cooler, listen to current music and, most important, stay up with technology – and don’t tell your boss how you did it in the old days. A roundtable segment on marriage touches on diverse topics, from professional boomer women who don’t necessarily need a man to support or define them, the new rules of marriage, how the first 37 years are the hardest, and how conflict can lead to a healthier relationship than compromise.

For more depth on what and who are behind the scenes, you can also become a fan on facebook.

Notes from an Elderwoman: Feeling the Rapture of Being Alive

Kathleen Daniel — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 05:32:00 +0000

This short essay is a gem. I don’t know how to post on this powerful and personal chronicle of aging from the inside out by Marian Van Eyk McCain, author of Elderwoman,other than to urge you to read it. It’s a glimpse into how she borrows Joseph Campbell’s assertion that people aren’t so much seeking a meaning for life as “seeking an experience of feeling the rapture of being alive” – and that that rapture is the essence of being an elderwoman. The essay evokes the lushness of youth giving way to the stark beauty of age, of busyness ceding to fullness, and the experience of being at the fulcrum around which things revolved in her mothering and working life, giving way to an empty nest where she was no longer at the center of anything except herself. Menopause is the mountainous ridge where her body and mind protested as the sap began to leave, before she turned a corner into a different world.

On the other side of the mountain she finds a whole new lightness of being, her body quiet, softer, dryer; lighter, as a leaf gets lighter before it falls. Though the far side of menopause feels like a desert on first encounter, she finds it teems with a stark, real, beautiful, and different kind of life. A life of a spirit that drops ever more deeply into her body with lightness and grace.

Her message in Elderwoman is twofold: aging doesn’t have to be dreaded. It’s an adventure where there are few maps. She also believes that elderwomen have an important role to play in inspiring others to live more lightly and co-operatively on the earth, not through guilt, but through a sense of freedom, joy and deepening sensuous delight.

Winners of the Purpose Prize Awarded by the White House

Kathleen Daniel — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:44:16 +0000

Last week, President Obama met at the White House with winners of the Purpose Prize, the award from Civic Ventures given to outstanding individuals over the age of 60 who are taking on challenges to make society better. The six winners who met with Mr. Obama are social innovators seeking solutions to problems ranging from rural poverty to infant mortality and environmental protection. We’ve posted before on boomers as social entrepreneurs seeking to give back to community, and on Civic Ventures, the think tank on boomers, work, and social purpose that calls for boomers to apply their experience in ‘encore careers’ to solve social problems – complementing the idea that the second half of adult life is a time of individual renewal. The Elder Women’s Circle is also a new twist of that “trend” – one that is as old as time.

Pictured is Arlene Blum, UC Berkeley chemist, whose research helped remove Tris, a toxic fire-retardant, from children’s sleepwear. She recently won a victory that kept 1.7 billion pounds of chemicals out of electronic equipment made worldwide, and is now pressing California regulators to reduce toxic fire-retardant chemicals in furniture and children’s products in that state. Her Green Science Policy Institute is a new model for engaging industry, scientists, governments and nonprofits to bring unbiased data to facilitate more informed decision-making about chemicals used in consumer products and support healthy communities.

I love awards like this. I feel a desperate need for a new legacy to leave to our children – of new values of purposefulness and giving back to community, as well as a new model of the possibility, leadership and change that arrives in adulthood . Being rewarded for encore careers is a positive story of age and aging – one that gives all of us something to celebrate.

Kudos! Happy a Happy 4th!

Naming Feelings with Mindfulness Reduces Painful Emotions

Kathleen Daniel — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:45:39 +0000

Do you know why people say you should “be here now,” or what “living in the present” really means – or why it’s good for you? This study provides some clues. Previous studies have shown that pictures of threatening information, like an angry face, activates a region of the brain called the amygdala, which serves as an alarm to protect the body in case of danger. Labeling the threat, however, activates a second region of the brain, the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex, and reduces the amygdala response. In other words, staying present in the moment with the feeling and naming it, i.e. ‘that’s anger’ turns down the alarm response that triggers the negative feelings. Now, you may know that a common practice to help you stay in the present is mindfulness meditation.

One technique of mindfulness is to pay attention to your moment to moment experiences, whether to the running mental commentary in your head, or a reaction to an event, and to label how you feel at that moment. You may say, “I’m feeling angry right now”, or “I’m stressed” or “This is joy.” An important aspect of the practice is withholding judgment or reacting to your feeling, you simply become aware of the feeling, label it, and “let it go.”

Being mindful brings all sorts of prefrontal resources to turn down the amygdala’s anxiety response. Being present with the negative or threatening feelings by putting them into words puts the brakes on your emotional responses, so you feel less angry, or less sad, or less frightened.

Putting feelings into words also helps us heal. Health benefits including reducing chronic pain conditions, skin diseases and stress-related symptoms – consistent with what mindfulness meditation teachers have taught for thousands of years about the value of being here now.

Journaling about painful feelings, or talking about them makes people feel better – apart from any insights they may experience in the process.

Grandpa, Do You Know Who I Am? Living With Alzheimer’s

Kathleen Daniel — Mon, 25 May 2009 08:00:03 +0000

This heartbreaking and very necessary 30 minute video, Grandpa, Do You Know Who I Am? tells the stories of five children, ages 6-15, who are coping with grandfathers or grandmothers with Alzheimer’s. Maria Shriver, who’s father has the disease, narrates the segment, saying how much she has learned from watching her kids, and offering them valuable lessons as well, urging them not to blame themselves for what their grandparents do or say. The video is part of the The Alzheimer’s Project, a four-part documentary series, website, and nationwide community-based information and outreach campaign. A stunning statistic flashed on the site when I logged on saying that 54% of Americans are personally touched by Alzheimer’s in some way. I’m one of them and I did find each segment supportive and real, in the sense of highlighting the everyday experiences people grapple with. If you missed the series, HBO is streaming all of them free of charge. The Memory Loss Tapes follows seven people living with Alzheimer’s across the progression of the disease. Momentum In Science tells the state of the science in two parts, with 25 scientists and physicians talking about research advances, and Caregivers highlights the sacrifices and successes of people experiencing their loved one’s slide into dementia.

Be Aware of Signs to Prevent Elder Abuse

Kathleen Daniel — Sat, 23 May 2009 06:43:21 +0000

Older people can be especially vulnerable to financial abuse or exploitation at the hands of others, usually strangers. Elder abuse is the unauthorized use or illegal taking of funds or property of people aged 60 and above. If you’re a caregiver for older family members who live on their own, it’s important to know the signs of elder financial abuse so that you can take precautions to protect them. Though it can be difficult, the first step is to be able to talk about it. MetLife Mature Market Institute has compiled a report entitled Preventing Elder Financial Abuse For Family Caregivers, with information on executing certain legal documents, to dealing with telephone solicitation and learning to recognize signs, such as a change in mood, appearance, behavior or cognitive impairment. It also provides support resources and a hotline for getting help and reporting fraud.