Jul
20
Here’s a valuable take on a by and large unspoken aspect of encroaching midlife: the need for courage. Essentially a practical psychological primer for navigating the sometimes murky and turbulent waters of midlife, The Art of Midlife: Courage and Creative Living for Women, delves below the surface to examine the internal work of women who have happily moved into the second half of their lives. The author, a clinical psychologist, sees in midlife a need to create, and midlife as a creative process that takes place in three stages: leaving what’s past in the past, reconnecting with the reality of ourselves as we are today, and refocusing our sights on the future we want. Her interviews reveal glimpses of how women let go of outdated illusions and expectations, grapple with the loss of youth and outdated roles, face their mortality, and question their previous choices, while wondering all the while if there’s still time to do things differently and wanting to make use of all of who they are. Not questions for the faint of heart!
Which is why she focuses on courage and creativity: courage allows us to listen to our own voice and heart when we see reality as it is and we gain detachment that encourages confidence. Courage leads to personal peace. Reality can disappoint, but she suggests it’s a healthier place to live. What’s difficult is to carry the weight of all this “unused life” around with us. Courage also helps us tolerate feelings that come with insight and recognition when we want to step out of our old roles.
There’s a lot here that’s valuable. Some of what she found:
o Women become more authoritative, less willing to trade submission for security.
o Women’s personality changes; they are not the same as when they were 25 or 35; they relate differently to people.
o Women feel an increased need for achievement.
o The most dramatic change for 87% of women is in stopping mothering.
o Most women report being happier than ever, liking themselves more, and feeling more genuine because they aren’t trying to fix themselves, make themselves more appealing, and increasingly throw off the expectations of others.
o Women gave up illusion of forever being young, of having no limitations, and of having their husband meet all their needs.
She counsels:
o It is easy to get stuck, to keep doing the same thing, and to feel fearful and silly. Do lots of new things. Hang on to your sense of humor.
o Still have dreams. Dreams are important because they anchor us to the future. It doesn’t matter if all the dreams are reached; they are acts of faith – and courage.
o Make the deliberate choices. If we don’t, we become resentful of other people’s lives and that is harmful.
