Jan
29
Use the Bodymind Connection to "Be With" Difficult Moments
January 29, 2000 | Leave a Comment
Posted by: Kathleen Daniel
“Being with” unwelcome and painful emotions, and threatening or confusing thoughts is difficult. They often evoke strong, visceral responses. It’s nice to recommend staying with difficult feelings as a way to get through them, but how do you do that? Some moments can be overwhelming, literally, physiologically. The nervous system, flooded with conflicting chemical and electrical messages, cracks open a whole array of contradictory impulses, memories and options for response. Sometimes they’re very confusing to sort out.
The most urgent need in such moments is simply for space, or distance, in order to regain perspective. A patch of solid ground to stand on. Even a piece of driftwood to cling to till it the turbulent waters calm down would be welcome! Luckily, because of the nature of the bodymind connection, there are several workable options that can considerably short-circuit processing time.
The key is that the bodymind connection is a two way street. Just as thoughts evoke physiological responses, so too can working with your body bring calm, clarity and control to your mental and emotional responses. Your body is literally the ground you stand on!
There are three areas that are acutely responsive to the movement of the mind: the breath, the tongue and the eyes. You see this in action when you notice people’s eyes shifting when they’re thinking. You feel you can literally see thoughts turning gears inside their brains. Similarly, it’s not unusual to see people’s jaws and mouth tensing or grinding. You may have noticed this in yourself. Have you noticed how shallow your breathing becomes when you’re upset or tense? Quiet your eyes, mouth, tongue, jaw and breath and you quiet your mind. It’s that simple.
The first step in using any bodymind technique to your advantage is bodymind awareness. I often notice my mind chattering without mercy when I’m driving. Others notice mental turbulence as they drift off before sleep, or in the presence of certain people. Key into your particular body response to mental and emotional chatter. Then try the appropriate technique that targets your area of physiological response.
Stilling the tongue is an ancient Chinese Taoist practice for stilling a restless mind. It involves simply touching the tip of your tongue to your upper palate and lightly holding it there in place for as long as you want. You’ll notice several things almost immediately. Your jaw opens and relaxes, unable to clench. You are more present–at first it takes attention to keep your tongue positioned! You’ll notice a calmness, a product of the distance you’ve created from sliding into your customary reactive grooves. New perspectives emerge. You may notice your breath deepen. I engage this technique to short circuit worry or literally when I want to hold my words in check before reacting!
The second technique stills and focuses the mind by stilling the eyes. Position a candle at eye level one to two feet in front of you and light it. Gaze at the tiny red ember at the tip of the burning wick. Initially, your eyes will blink and tear within seconds. Close them and try again. You’ll notice your mind wander incessantly, your gaze will shift, and it will be difficult to simply focus for more than a few seconds! After a while, you’ll notice that you can hold your gaze steady for several minutes. Your body relaxes and your breath regulates. You are literally building a physiological tolerance to withstand the energy that accompanies being conscious, or being in the presence of, certain thoughts and emotions.
The last technique can be done on the spot to downshift internal conflict to more manageable levels, for instance, during an argument, or the mild panic that sets in before a deadline. Simply take three to four deep breaths. If it’s possible, take two to three minutes to simply breathe. (Deep breathing occurs when the abdomen expands and air fills your lower lungs, i.e. if you’re pulling your stomach in as you inhale you’re not deep breathing). The key is to exhale slowly and completely in a steady and controlled manner. During the exhalation you consciously release the tension that’s disturbing your peace and begin to think more clearly.
It’s a shame we don’t routinely teach these self-management tips in our culture. There are many, many ways to befriend yourself and to maintain your equanimity. They are all ways to get to know yourself better by learning to stay present to yourself during your most intense moments. Putting up with high degrees of inner disturbance isn’t necessary, and doesn’t require pills or distractions, which in the end don’t work anyway, and ultimately become addictions.
« « Previous: To Realize Big Goals, Set Your Intention First| Next: How to Choose Well » »
